Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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