he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize