dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
