The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It's rum buckets o'clock
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
