Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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