It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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