i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
