you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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