Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
