He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Panties = found
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
