So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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