Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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