she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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