So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
