dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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