My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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