I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
