And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I supernannyed him into submission
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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