Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Every concussion has its silver lining
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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