jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
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My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
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Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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