I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
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There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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