I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
