Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
