Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Houston, we have a squirter
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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