Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
bring money and cleavage
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
