$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
