apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
