Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
