I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Sorry about my life...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?