I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize