You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
