I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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