**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
