Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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