no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
3pm strippers are depressing
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
