His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
