Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
