If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
