hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
