Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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