i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize