Dual....:-)
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
