What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
