my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
