I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
