....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
