I want to make a zoo with you.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
