My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
