Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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