i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
