THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
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Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
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My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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