I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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