I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Drunk is not a location!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
