tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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