that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
