Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
