"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
