the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
