Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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