Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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