i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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