I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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