I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
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Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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