When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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